Motivations, Peace, Self Improvement

One Surprising Way to Live in Peace With a Troublemaker

The world needs peace now more than ever . There’s a certain kind of war in virtually every country, be it war against terrorism, religious extremism or even war against famine. The best we can do in the current situation is to try as much as possible to live in peace with one another.

If everyone lived in peace with his or her neighbours, I guess there will be no war or aggression against the other. How can you live in peace with a trouble maker? Should it be an eye for an eye or would you rather be tolerant of some of his excesses and ignore him sometimes?photo credit: faith goble via photopin ccI had observed with rapt attention the manner with which my two daughters ‘fight’ against each other. Given that there’s only a slight age difference between them, they are growing together and learning together.

None knows her left from right and sometimes they struggle for a particular toy until I come to separate them. None of them wants to surrender to the other and they both want to be winners.

This has been going on since the little girl turned one. Even when I manage to get similar toys for them, the bigger girl wants to have both. I tried to explain to her that she can’t have all the toys to herself as her sister also needs to play. Perhaps, she is too young to understand my explanations and instructions.

photo credit: TheZionView via photopin cc
photo credit: TheZionView via photopin cc

This trend continued until one day, the younger girl suddenly decided not to fight back. She quickly surrendered the toy in question whenever big sister came for a fight. She moved on to the next toy without a word and continued playing. Few minutes later, big sister would lose interest in the previous toy and go for another and then she can go back and pick it.

I watched with delight at the positive result it produced. I no longer have to give an endless speech on peace before they could play in peace. When the older girl noticed the change in her sister’s character, she became calm and would be the first to offer toys to her. The atmosphere suddenly changed to a peaceful one and they could play in peace.

I guess that the world would be a better place if we emulate the aforementioned example. Giving in doesn’t mean cowardice but simply says you want peace and not war. This principle will go a long ways in creating the much needed peaceful atmosphere in the society.

 

Have ever had an encounter with a quarrelsome person?

What was your solution?

Please share your experience in the comments.

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23 thoughts on “One Surprising Way to Live in Peace With a Troublemaker”

  1. At first I was thinking of child development, and how wanting something, this tug of war, win or lose, repeat… develops people. Seems to be a toddler stage in every culture. Then I paid attention to the metaphor you made. Wonderful segway to your message. About commenting, I had a little trouble finding where to post a comment, had to scroll way down the page to the end of the thread.I think it’s in the theme, but maybe you could put a note at the end of your posts to guide readers to scroll to the bottom? My blog is hard to see where to comment, too, I think. Nice blog, by the way. Cheers! Kay

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  2. we are humans first and foremost, and so it is very natural for us to react to events with the first impulses that come to us. and it is because of those impulses that we have the urge to always want to fight back, sort of asserting ourselves. But for those who can control those impulses, they react to the same events differently than others and for others, we regret our actions the first time around and resolve to find a better way, which i like to think it’s what your little girl did. Now if we could all analyze past “quarrelsome” occurrences and resolve to approach them differently, then there in will harmony and peace lie. great example you used and hope we all can learn to resolve the little things like these first and gradually, it will translate to the big things.

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  3. I have two children four years apart, now adults and there was a time that the two would go at each other and fight, and argue over everything including my attention. I would constantly explain in detail to both how they will learn to get along and my son would will always be his sisters protector.

    Some times my talking would work and other times it would not, however, in the end with perseverance from childhood, into the dreaded teen years and on towards each becoming adults they have matured and are very close. I attribute it to constantly telling each that they will learn to look out for each other.

    I explained to my son that he will always be seen as his sisters protector and my daughter had to learn to stand her ground and although her older brother was jealous of the attention she recived in their early childhood, they will learn to be very close, as they have turn out to be.

    Hope, hang in there over time, your great parenting will be successful as they learn to live together and grow.

    As for adults, we all must continue evolving and learning to get along. Although there is conflict all over the world, hope and constantly working towards peace, will we all learn to get along.

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  4. I grew up with ‘quarrelsome’ people and I had to learn to give up what I wanted to avoid the inevitable hostility of others. As a much older adult, I can deal with and usually deflate a situation all because I grew up doing this. Your post was beautiful reminder on how we all need to seek peace…
    I read this and I cannot help think about how true it is-we focus on negative instead of positive and we focus on me instead of you. I read this today and this helped me get through a bit of a dilemma I have with my own past. Peace. Love. and Joy.

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  5. No one teaches children to fight and argue. We do that ‘naturally’ sad to say. We have a sin nature that only God can truly change. Quarrelsome people are certainly difficult but I have found that keeping calm and smiling often helps defuse a tense situation. I try to see the person as God would; lost and alone. They must be hurting inside if they act so difficult. On my best days, I pray for them!

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  6. Sometimes when we fight back and raise our voice we aren’t doing anything useful, we are just being counterproductive. I believe that it’s better to step back when you have a a quarralsome person in front of you. If you get pulled in into the whirlwind of that quarrel and bad words, in aftermath you only regret the things that you said. There’s some dignity in silence. I’m trying to remind myself that when I want to respond back to somebody who’s not being nice to me. Of course, I don’t always succeed in doing that! 😉

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  7. We learn alot from little children if we pay close attention to their actions and character. The world would have been more peaceful if everybody can take up the peace God has placed in our lives very important but unfortunately everyone of us have different way of reasoning. I really like your statement, ”Giving in doesn’t mean cowardice but simply says you want peace and not war” that is very true. More of God’s blessings to you and your love ones. Peace!!

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  8. Hi Hope! Yes, I have and I take a tip I learned from my husband a long time ago, silence is golden…it’s a powerful tool to end a quarrel. Oftentimes, I have found people will self-correct themselves and quickly change their tone.

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